A little too close for comfort
One of my challenges for this decade ,was relocating from a large, sprawling garden and house, to a much smaller property in another Province. Along with this came the readjustment to living in much closer proximity to my neighbours, which of course means a substantial loss of privacy. It is proving to be an interesting study of human behaviour indeed.
The positives, the negatives and…..
Now, living so close to one another comes with advantages, and disadvantages. The convenience of amenities being close by is certainly one of the advantages; schools, restaurants, doctors, shopping malls are all so easy to access. Congested traffic and well, neighbours, seem to be the real disadvantage. With no space between us, whatever we are doing, in our own home, can very well affect those around us.
…The downright uncomfortable
I tend to be a live and let live, kind of neighbour, as long as you aren’t hurting me, or the creatures and people around me, I’m fairly tolerant. Which is why I drop my blind, and avert my eyes, when my elderly neighbour takes his mid- morning, outdoor shower on his balcony. He appears to have no idea that my study looks directly onto this area, or that the gaily flowering Cape Honeysuckle, in its wooden planter, does nothing to protect his modesty.
Tolerance is not something we all share
It seems my sentiments are not shared by those living around me.The other evening a young mother complained, on our local neighbourhood phone messaging group, about the noisy party hosted by a group of young people, living next door to her. It was nine thirty on a Friday evening, and the excessive noise was keeping her young children awake.
Making it Personal
Although her complaint was framed as a direct appeal to turn their music down, it was placed on a public space, and as there are over a hundred members on this group, we all became to a lesser, or greater extent involved. She included enough personal information for us to identify which house it was, and I’m sure some would have been able to identify the guilty party.
As far as I was concerned, appealing for consideration on the group was an odd choice of an immediate solution to a distressing problem. Why would young people be checking their phone for messages from neighbours whilst in the throes of a wonderful party? I kept that thought to myself and here is why.
Inevitable consequences
The matter didn’t end there, two hours later people were still weighing in with their opinions on the incident. There seemed to be two camps, the first was your absolute right not to have to put up with noise from neighbours, and the second was your absolute right to make a noise in your own home. It went from mildly amusing responses, to downright rude and aggressive, with more than a few personal agenda messages woven in, that seemed to have nothing to do with the original problem. This was not about finding a solution to a common problem, it had become a forum to rehash old grievances, and get your voice out there.
The real purpose of this messaging group
Now the purpose of this group is really simple. It is a forum to discuss neighbourhood concerns outside of security, we have a separate group for those issues. The idea for this more general group is that people can ask for advice, or share concerns or information pertinent to our neighbourhood.
Misuse of the group
The problem arises when it is used as a weapon in what, essentially, starts out as a difficulty between two neighbours that, in a perfect world, should be settled between them. The moment it gets aired on our phone group, in the guise of a solution to an issue, the purpose of the group is lost. It should be a last resort, not a first attempt to solve the dilemma.
Are we all really that narcissistic?
It seems as though we have become distanced from the basic rules of social engagement. There seems to be a disturbing tendency to take someone else’s drama, and use it to air our own resentments, whether it’s relevant to the discussion or not.
My way or no way
On this evening, for my own sanity, I eventually muted the group and was not surprised to see some members left the group.
On reflection the entire discussion, had very little to do with who was right, or wrong in this scenario, it was more about the ramifications of selfish behaviour from the outset. It’s disturbing to think how we tend to think of rights in absolute terms of ourselves. It’s my right to have a party, it’s my right to have peace and quiet, and it’s my right to rev my car engine in my driveway. We seem to approach our lives from an egocentric perspective; I’m not happy about this because my comfort and pleasures are being compromised.
Has respect become outdated?
I can’t help wondering if half the problems we experience in our lives with other people, could not be avoided with a good old- fashioned dose of respect.
Consider consequences before we take action
This simple concept seems to have become outmoded as we all clamour to make ourselves heard.
What’s wrong with informing and asking
Perhaps a note in neighbour’s postboxes advising them you are having a party would be a great start, especially knowing your neighbour has small children. It’s amazing how much more tolerant people are if you make an effort to be considerate.
I wondered why, before it became such a public matter, the family affected by the party noise hadn’t knocked on the door and appealed to their neighbours to be more considerate. Granted if this is ineffective, then take more drastic measures.
Replace entitlement with respect…..
When we all live in such close proximity, it is inevitable that at times we will impinge on our neighbours. I do think changing our attitude from one of entitlement, to one of respect, would go along way to avoid unnecessary ugliness.
….And throw in a measure of tolerance as an insurance policy
What we forget, in our heated moments of self-righteousness, is that toddlers become teens, and young party people become parents, and middle- agers become eccentric elderly folk. In all too short a time, roles can reverse.
Making the world a better place one neighbourhood at a time
Imagine if we took that respect with us each day and used it when driving, or shopping, or disposing of our rubbish. Maybe I am naïve, but I can’t help thinking if we all just treated everything from a less self-obsessed viewpoint, the world would be a much nicer place.
Of course I will not air this sentiment on the neighbourhood group, I can just imagine the fallout.
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