Facing our Fifties with Friends

The Challenge of moving to a new city, in my fifties, and leaving my group of friends

 A year ago I packed up my life of thirty- three years in Durban, and relocated to Cape Town.  Despite the breathtaking beauty and cosmopolitan vibe of Cape Town, it has a reputation for not welcoming strangers who permanently relocate here. Moving taught me the true value of my special group of friends.

Unconditional Support of Friends is something we take for granted

We had always planned to  retire to the Cape somewhere in the distant future. I had no
idea my spouse would retire at fifty-three and accelerate the plan.  Caught up with the logistics of coping with my mother’s heart attack, and condensing our history into a series of boxes, I never anticipated how difficult it would be moving away from the support of friend

Importance of friends for our health especially as we grow older

Our weekday coffee sessions after gym were more beneficial to most of us than a therapy session. A safe space to vent frustration, shed a tear, laugh, talk through anxieties, or gain insight or advice. At times we travel together, we celebrate every minor and major triumph, and even annoy one another at times. They are as much a part of me, as my family.

The challenges of moving house felt more serious without friends to laugh about it with

I missed that every day contact. Like the good friends they are, they kept me sane with messages and calls and even a couple of visits.  A lifeline, as I unpacked boxes, tried to keep the cats incarcerated, and learnt to survive on fifty litres of water a day.

The challenge of being a stranger, in her fifties,  rejected by the ‘in’ crowd 

As much as I love my husband and sons, I needed human contact outside our home. I made my way to the local gym assuming my gregarious nature would have me connecting with people in no time. It was humbling when my overtures of friendship were greeted with indifference. Battered, after two weeks of being ignored, I gave it up. Time for a new strategy.

Putting pride aside and asking a friend for help

Thankfully, an old friend lives nearby. She persuaded me to travel a little further and join her group of wonderful friends at her gym. They welcomed me in, and I felt I belonged somewhere.

This life experiences has taught me friends are the key for my happiness especially in my fifties.

• It’s fantastic to have those friends we rarely see, yet when we do it’s like we were never apart. However, the friends I value most, are those that are chipping away, alongside me, at life’s coal face.
• I don’t need to live in the same town as my friends as long as we stay connected.
• The friendships I have with friends are less demanding than the friendships I have with my two sisters. I love my sister relationships  but they are naturally influenced by the fact we are related.
• I’m more likely to take guidance and ask for support from a friend than a relative. I don’t have to be the big sister.
• It’s not as easy to move away and find friends in your fifties. You no longer have the automatic entry to groups as you did when you were a parent of school goers. Persist though, you will find the right group eventually.
• What I have noted in our fifties we have a wide range of friends. We are more discerning about the quality of our friendships, and no longer willing to tolerate toxic behavior.
• Most importantly, like all relationships, old and new friendships need to be nurtured and looked after

Photo by Salomé Watel on Unsplash

Rose image Pixabay.com