Positive things can be stressful
I’ve been plagued all week, with a vague tension headache, more annoying than debilitating. This is usually an indication that I may have some underlying stress.
Why should I be stressed, the only thing different in my life is we are heading off on a longed for trip to the Kgalagadi Transfrontier Park, in the Northern Cape.
Some things are beyond our control
It’s not easy getting a booking at any camp in the Kgalagadi. You have to book a year in advance and this much anticipated trip, has been postponed twice. Once because my son’s university exams were re-scheduled due to student protests. The second time because my mother was ill.
We all have our own unique ways of preparing for holidays
It’s exciting anticipating a cross country trip and alarming too. My husband Mark, is an extreme planner and organiser. He leaves nothing to chance. He is determined this trip will be perfect, but already some things are beyond his control and he is as irritated as a cornered cobra.
An organised partner can be advantageous when planning a trip
Finally, it’s happening and my husband has spent hours hunched over travel books, maps, and menus. He makes it easy for me, all I have to do is pack my bag.
We are falling over mounds of gear he has hauled out of the storage and I’m intrigued as to where he is going to fit the two human’s accompanying him.
You cannot plan for everything
The family holiday booked for six people has been whittled away to three of us.
He has just discovered his 4×4 vehicle needs two parts replaced. The car dealership forgot to order them and can only install them two days before we leave. He doesn’t like not having a cushion of time.
Worst of all he never factored the dreaded Black Friday sale, into his planning. It’s on the same day we arrive, making food shopping before we enter the park, an impossibility. We need to shop the day before and keep it cold.
His frustrations are real but not much we can do about it. He vents, and I wonder if it’s all worth it.
It’s the run-up, not the holiday that’s stressful
I love to travel locally and abroad. It’s wonderful to live in a country that offers so many opportunities to go off the beaten track. Nothing beats the thrill of a road you have never travelled. Its not the holiday I fear, I just dread the build- up.
Part of the dread is based in childhood experience
Holidays were important to my family, we never had a lot of spare cash, but an annual two week holiday was a priority.
We had plenty of camping weekends, it was a relatively cheap way to take a brood of five away.
My Father, was not that great in the run up to a holiday, often irritable and moody. My mother was a frenzied stress ball by the time we left. Yet every holiday was a great success with amazing memories.
We all have our own needs and expectations of travel
Part of the challenge is, I think, we like to holiday in different ways.
Mark has discovered a passion for 4×4 challenges. He loves doing trails along precarious precipices, and hauling his vehicle through mud. He wants to conquer all that Africa can throw at him and his vehicle. Quite frankly that terrifies me.
I love the bush, I yearn for it when I haven’t been in a while. I want to sit and watch the elephants play in the river, or scan the trees with my binoculars looking for birds. I don’t need to rush.
I also love to explore little towns, have coffee in interesting places, and chat to the locals. I’m greedy I want it all, cities, and mountains, forests and walks on the beach.
I need a basic plan, how and when and where, then I’m happy to let holidays unfold. Mark likes to plan and have checklists.
I pack the day before we leave, he packs a week before.
I fret that the house will be tidy for the house sitter, he frets that the fridge in his car won’t work.
I want to experience a holiday fully, no time for afternoon naps. Once his checklist is done, he needs to recharge with a nap.
Throw in a young adult son accompanying us, who needs oodles of his own time, and the dynamics become even more interesting.
Common needs of travelling:
for all our differences, we both have a deep love of our natural heritage and a need to protect it.
We enjoy good food and are willing to experience new tastes and cultures.
We are tolerant and have realistic expectations of wherever we are.
Accepting your differences the key to travelling together
We have been married for over thirty years and have travelled a lot, together. It’s taken me awhile to realise that acceptance and tolerance of our differences is the key to a successful holiday.
These are the things that work for me
- I encourage him to explore his trails with other family members and friends. This gives me the freedom to travel with family and friends on my own. Makes me more tolerant when we are holidaying together.
- He is a perfectionist, I am more easily able to be flexible and compromise, so I do. I then build in rewards for myself.
- Use laughter a lot. He has a great sense of humour.
- Refuse to hold the paper map. He loves his map, he also loves his GPS. For some odd reason he uses both. I’m hopeless with the map. If we get divorced it will be over a map, so I refuse to navigate.
- He doesn’t like to relinquish the steering wheel. We no longer offer.
- Driving is exhausting, so he naps all afternoon. I used to resent it. Not anymore, this is now my down time to read or dream or write.
- Expect things to go right, ok this is one that irritates him, I won’t play the ‘what if’ game. It’s too exhausting anticipating all the things that could go wrong.
Writing this down has helped me put it in perspective. Holidays are vital and good for us. So now I’m off to spend time in my garden, my best stress relieving tactic, and the house sitter gets too enjoy a weed free space.
brenfinding5th.com 