Benefits of Solitude in your fifties:

Learning to appreciate my own company

Moving to Cape Town presented me with a new set of challenge. Among them, learning to live with very little water, congested traffic for hours at peak times, which means the day does not really get going before ten in the morning. All very  frustrating for a get up and go person. By far the biggest learning curve has been adjusting to spending time on my own and accepting it’s psychologically good for me.

Psychological Benefits

Creates a space for me to think and put things in perspective

Find I’m more productive and creative

Made me take responsibility for my own happiness

Don’t need approval or praise from others

No longer feel I have to be responsible for the happiness of others

I’m becoming increasingly independent

Avoiding solitude is a link to fearing loneliness

I have always been hopeless at managing solitude, I now know its linked to a fear of being lonely

Constant business is a tactic for avoiding time with yourself

Gardening was my only solitary activity. My huge, old Durban garden demanded so much physical labour from me, I never had time to smell the roses.

It’s important to enjoy your own company

There are strong arguments of the benefits of time on your own.  I can see with the introverts in my family. They all nourish their souls with their own quiet time.  It seems to be a vital part of their daily coping skills set.

Accept you may have different expectations to your spouse in your fifties

Somehow I assumed that my spouse, with time on his hands, would want to go walking in the beautiful spaces around us. Together we would enjoy exploring the cafes and coffee shops that abound through the city.

Reality is he has his own challenges mainly adjusting to living with us after ten years of working away from the family home. We have different agendas for this decade and it doesn’t need to be a bad thing- just another challenge to navigate.

An extrovert in a house of introverts

When we moved, we left the only other extrovert in the family in Durban. This translocation means I am now an ‘early bird’ extrovert, in a house of ‘night owl’ introverts.

It soon became clear, they didn’t need my incessant chirping and find my constant busyness exhausting. I, in turn, envy their ability to self soothe and tune out from the world around them.

Creating your own contentment is a skill for thriving changes in lifestyle

I soon realised that being resentful and frustrated would serve no other purpose than increase my sense of isolation. I have friends for my social needs.For the rest, the simplest solution would be learning to like my own company.

The rewards of spending time alone in my fifties

I’m happy to report I am getting better at not always needing to fill the quiet spaces.

It’s had the unexpected benefit of making me a lot more disciplined about setting time aside to write every day, rather than fit it around my social life.

I always avoided going into coffee shops, or restaurants on my own. I can do that without too much discomfort now.

Gardening is no longer a chore.  A smaller garden means more time to play with it, and appreciate the fruits of my labour.

I discovered my fear of being lonely is unfounded. Solitude and loneliness are too different concepts.

Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens to nourish my soul and fuel my creativity

My most favourite activity is now my  solitary walks through Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens at least once a week. Set like a jewel on theEastern slopes of Table Mountain. it never fails to overwhelm me with it’s incredible beauty. Armed only with a pair of binoculars, to satisfy the amateur birder in me, my phone to inexpertly capture the kaleidoscope of colour, I wander wherever my feet take me.

I’m happiest in green spaces, and being in nature restores my equilibrium

As Capetonians tend to only get going around ten in the morning, the Gardens are quiet with only a few photographers and walkers. Most human contact is with the garden staff who greet you cheerfully as you walk past. The gardens hum with birds, bees and butterflies. Sometimes I have been lucky enough to spot mongoose, small raptors and little striped fieldmice.

I reward myself with coffee and a light breakfast at Kirstenbosch Tea gardens. A great place to people watch. I seem to have become a familiar figure to the staff who all greet me like an old friend.

The rewards of alone time in nature

Two hours later, I’m back home. Refreshed, rejuvenated, creative ideas percolating in my head, and stresses set aside. What incredible luck to live here with such an amazing space on my doorstep.